Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
