It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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