overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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