Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
