Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
