I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
