Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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