I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my being single is dangerous.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
