Me. At least after what I've been through.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
