Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just fell off a train. Bad.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
