Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
