brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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