Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
