I accidentally had phone sex last night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
