Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I will pee on everything he values.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
