If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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