I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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