But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
