Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
