the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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