I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
