You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
