Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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