the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
