new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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