He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
