I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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