Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
