a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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