Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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