Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize