bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
