too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
