ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
