I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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