I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
