What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
