Non-Jews are for practice
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
