woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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