thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She bit a glass in half.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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