I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
