upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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