I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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