At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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