I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
