Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
