Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Plan B is the new Plan A
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize