You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want her autograph on my taint
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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