Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
