...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
