so that wasnt chicken after all
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
