I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize