So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
