woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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