Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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