DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cut my penus on the lid.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
