Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
