Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
