you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
