If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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