drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
