She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
