I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
