i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
