I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
