Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
