I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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