How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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