break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
