he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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