I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
vagina is talking i cant
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
