problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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