I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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