Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
