girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
