...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
