dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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