New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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