i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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