I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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