woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize