Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my being single is dangerous.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
