did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
