I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
