May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize