dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
