Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
