Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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