im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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