Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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