i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
