I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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