Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
