PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
