meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My breasts were aching with rage.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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