I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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