i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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