I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
