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WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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