if you like me you must not know who I am
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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