How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
