Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
