do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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