Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
