woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
