There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
