another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
