Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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