This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
