Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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