Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
