my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
