Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
home. puking in laundry basket.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
