I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
