I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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