It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
