It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
