If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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