Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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