you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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