I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
