I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
